*****

You can’t shut a calling heart
You can’t assume an itching heart
You just can’t silence a bursting heart in your smiles
You can’t hide what you feel, your eyes can tell

Are you a zombie?
Like you smelled my hearts bleeding you came for it so fast
Or maybe a journalist
You heard I got a breaking heart, you were so convincing to hear me talk
Perhaps the god of sky’s you changed my hearts broken pieces to pieces of glowing stars..

And now you filling my vast ravishing my past
I believe God feeds the hungry hearts
And now he’s using you my angel in earth
I won’t regret your show up in my path
Had wanted I want I’m wanting all of you don’t mind my lust
It’s been long maybe it’s forming some dust,rust
Loneliness sucks

I’m dancing a tune of your heartbeat in my dreams
Then I wish for a moment I could have you out of my mind to kiss you
I can’t help taking glances of you second after second
You complete my second world I can second that
But first take my heart ❤

@poetess-viv

*******

What does not kill you makes you stronger, they say
But I’m different with my case
Instead it cripples me
I can’t pick the denial and build acceptance
I can’t pick betrayal to build trust
Like I used to until my heart was no more my other pieces is dying little by little….

I’m at the edge of the world where everything is meaningless
No life no life
What seems to be alive and rulling is the hurt and art in my heart
My past is haunting my present like it depends on it for life
And everytime I try fixing them with good my mind can’t cooperate
So I stand at the edge thinking the better is in the other world
I’m tired swallowing my tears to convince them I’m strong
Suicide is my opinion…

Sorrow is occupying me like air in the atmosphere
Then I think of the lovely moments with family
A little smile penetrates between my dull face
I saw how I was young, innocent and strong with life
I saw my parents used to give anything to make my life possible and happy
The the sadness reminds me it’s now my time to make them happy but I’m doing nothing about it
I feel guilt, I feel shame I feel disappointed
Then I’m smiling a bit remembering the moments I was singing before the church’s congregation
How the dance moves and the soloists made it happen
My faith and trust was strong
Again my head is sinks into my shoulder thinking the sleepless nights I’ve been praying and calling God
No replies..
Where did the faith go? ..

The fall of debris downhill incited me to follow them
Pahaps my life will be better there
Then a flashback of my love life came in like it was at the doorstep of my mind
How we used to throw stones down cliff when we were lost into each other
I remembered the beautiful moments beyond the moon and stars
My depression keep interrupting uncovering the wounded heart he left me with
My cheeks socked with tears and fists, I felt pressure and anger inside I was trying to regulate with deep breaths I took in turns to hold me a little longer
Just a little longer maybe….

I felt cold it was hot
I felt insane I was not
The sun was setting so lazy
A thought is coming in to get done with my troubles
Not to face a sunshine tomorrow
And escape my everyday sorrow
I tried taking a step to convince myself I was doing it
I was afraid again I was doing it the first time
Something was holding me
My heart was beating faster louder and pumping..
I saw it from the moves of my blouse
I closed my eyes.. I don’t want to see my death
I played some nothings with my fingers like I wasn’t sure of what was about to happen
I whispered some nothings to to my ear.. My last words..

….But I can’t

@Viv-poetry

Thanks for joining me!

Good company in a journey makes the way seem shorter. — Izaak Walton