My sad story

*******

What does not kill you makes you stronger, they say
But I’m different with my case
Instead it cripples me
I can’t pick the denial and build acceptance
I can’t pick betrayal to build trust
Like I used to until my heart was no more my other pieces is dying little by little….

I’m at the edge of the world where everything is meaningless
No life no life
What seems to be alive and rulling is the hurt and art in my heart
My past is haunting my present like it depends on it for life
And everytime I try fixing them with good my mind can’t cooperate
So I stand at the edge thinking the better is in the other world
I’m tired swallowing my tears to convince them I’m strong
Suicide is my opinion…

Sorrow is occupying me like air in the atmosphere
Then I think of the lovely moments with family
A little smile penetrates between my dull face
I saw how I was young, innocent and strong with life
I saw my parents used to give anything to make my life possible and happy
The the sadness reminds me it’s now my time to make them happy but I’m doing nothing about it
I feel guilt, I feel shame I feel disappointed
Then I’m smiling a bit remembering the moments I was singing before the church’s congregation
How the dance moves and the soloists made it happen
My faith and trust was strong
Again my head is sinks into my shoulder thinking the sleepless nights I’ve been praying and calling God
No replies..
Where did the faith go? ..

The fall of debris downhill incited me to follow them
Pahaps my life will be better there
Then a flashback of my love life came in like it was at the doorstep of my mind
How we used to throw stones down cliff when we were lost into each other
I remembered the beautiful moments beyond the moon and stars
My depression keep interrupting uncovering the wounded heart he left me with
My cheeks socked with tears and fists, I felt pressure and anger inside I was trying to regulate with deep breaths I took in turns to hold me a littlelonger
Just a little longer maybe….

I felt cold it was hot
I felt insane I was not
The sun was setting so lazy
A thought is coming in to get done with my troubles
Not to face a sunshine tomorrow
And escape my everyday sorrow
I tried taking a step to convince myself I was doing it
I was afraid again I was doing it the first time
Something was holding me
My heart was beating faster louder and pumping..
I saw it from the moves of my blouse
I closed my eyes.. I don’t want to see my death

@lyricalvii

*****

You can’t shut a calling heart
You can’t assume an itching heart
You just can’t silence a bursting heart in your smiles
You can’t hide what you feel, your eyes can tell

Are you a zombie?
Like you smelled my hearts bleeding you came for it so fast
Or maybe a journalist
You heard I got a breaking heart, you were so convincing to hear me talk
Perhaps the god of sky’s you changed my hearts broken pieces to pieces of glowing stars..

And now you filling my vast ravishing my past
I believe God feeds the hungry hearts
And now he’s using you my angel in earth
I won’t regret your show up in my path
Had wanted I want I’m wanting all of you don’t mind my lust
It’s been long maybe it’s forming some dust,rust
Loneliness sucks

I’m dancing a tune of your heartbeat in my dreams
Then I wish for a moment I could have you out of my mind to kiss you
I can’t help taking glances of you second after second
You complete my second world I can second that
But first take my heart ❤

@poetess-viv

My urge to love is at its peak….
The heart’s swelling love granted it could speak…
I believe I don’t have to tell
Because the heart can narrate its tale
So I get lost to my mind
My eyes closed but I see a woman
She boils my heart with fire in her eyes
Her beauty us incomparable
Her smiles takes my breaths
And freezes my thoughts
Her back,her fronts represents a star in pure darkness
Yeah,she’s the goddess that commands my dreams
She’s the woman I’ve made babies with

Given a chance to take her our my mind
Oh my dream come true
I feel her breaths so close like a second to another
She smells fresh just like in my dreams
Her shyness tempts me to take advantage
She has a voice of my ears
Her eyes shot spears of love to my heart
Im dying to make her mine
Her body if fragile and moving with my vibes
Her hair like petals of lavender rested on my chest makes me a man
Her skin on mine are soft as moon light on my dark skin
She’s gorgeous, she’s gorgeous

With my bursting heart
I want to drizzle her with pure love
Be her fountain of happiness
I want to break loose and blow her mind with promises
Her responses impels my hunger for her..
In a minute I want to make her the queen of my kingdom
And even if I don’t have kingdom I’ll make her one..
She woman in my every piece of poetry..

@lyricalvii

No matter how much I tried avoiding him,
I still needed him in my door step..

My heart rejected him,
But my blood boiled for him,
His presence turned me silly and not myself
It wasn’t right all
The first week without him made me weak
What I could have of him is his laughs and smiles tattooed in my mind
He was a spell
A sweet nightmare
His marks on my life grew crystal with the illusions I experienced,
I can’t call him my right or wrong..
I lost his position in my life
Maybe like wind it came and went

But its breeze still felt and refreshing
I wasnt sure what I felt for him

I kept listening to my door
Maybe he will knock
Maybe I needed him for this cold and lonelyness
Hallucins of his coming in
And a woman possesed is running to him like he’s made of life
The hugs and light kisses drew me a smile
And a times with his “Angry” threw me to the cauch and..
..darkness

It’s him again,like he has his world in my brain
He controlled it his way
I wish I could replace him with words

Every time I try,my pen goes dry
This not love,obsession I call
Sadly I drowned so deep
Into it I fell so steep
I wish it was love one can unlove right?
Or addiction I could be rehabilitated in another ones heart
My scale weighed his side
The little we shared dugged my heart and buried itself
It grew a bitter herb season after season
Everything I wrote involved him
Everything I thought he intruded in
Everything I smelled he was so around
Everything I heard he was so sound
..obsessed

@viv- poetry

Death

********

I felt cold down my spine, my mind froze
My tongue tied together I was numb
I went blind except for darkness
My bones grind and feasted on each other
I couldn’t move
I can’t explain my heart’s quaking apart with the
sound of my heartbeats making my ears deaf
I struggled words out my mouth but got lost
somewhere within my throat
My eyes gazed at the cold atmosphere and tears
stagnated around
I was helpless before the deaths full grabbing
hands
Death was a life’s stage we all have to get to
I thought of death as an happening where people
gather, cry and it was over
I heard of death and I thought of a casket with
lifeless creature, simple
I heard of death and I thought of people fighting
where to rest the deceased
I thought of death and I saw flowers, roses laid
on the fresh earth
I heard of death and a story of people claiming
to be wifes husbands and children of the corpse
I heard of death and I saw people with black
dressed from head to toe
No, I was wrong, death was something different
I was wrong from the start till when I wished I
could have an agreement with death
Agreement to take me in the place of the him
Bidding bye till we meet again, again you never
sure of
May his soul rest in peace, when we left peace-
less pieces on earth, what a crap?
This was hard I can ever imagine
RIP was at everyone’s tip of a tongue, so easy
to let out
But this time it has power to cut through my
flesh and fountain my eyes
Take heart is so cheap to a person loosing
someone on earth
I wish death could speak and explain exactly how
is selects
I wish death could speak and explain it’s
greadyness
If my senses could have a switch to switch off
so I can escape the pain
The pain of loosing forever
The reality on my side is much different with
what I knew
Who I’m I?
That was not me
I needed to wake up in the happening dream
The pain paralysed my happiness and gave birth
a new life minus one two three
@viv-poetry

#Poetry

I held her close to my heart
Such that she felt the loyalty of my heart’s
beating for her
The few moments of silence communicated alot
to my heart
I felt a woman in pain
I felt a woman in love
I felt a woman confused in two
Love and friendship
Her heart was heavy from the slow and deep
breath she took in turns
A pose of her heartbeat made mine skip a little
She was breaking with tears
I was afraid but held her tighter and let her fears
drowned in her tears
I felt a broken heart
I felt her flashbacks and was about to get into
her mind and fight her worries
Before she dispatched the hug,
Her eyes were deep and red
With streams of four five on her cheeks
Like she was begging for something
She made me ready to give everything..
Every drop from her eyes made me guilty
A series of words ran across my mind
I felt suffocating with love for her
I was uneasy and afraid of the outcomes
Her eyes were like reading mine
I restructured my thoughts to put me in the
mood
I held her chin
The many butterflies in me made fun of my
situation I was lost in two
Kissing her heavy lips or uncovering my love for
her
She seemed shy
I lowed my lips on hers
The moves of her hands up my chest brought up
the Hunger in her
Her lips was full of honesty that it’s been long
she was kissed
She was starving for more
Within a second we were lost to a world of us
two
I saw her building a home
I saw her in the labour
I saw her mothering my kids
I saw us aging together
Indeed she’s the woman I’ve been chasing in my
dreams
A faint shy smile crossed as she felt so
comfortable with me around..
@Viv-poetry